Dragoncaller (dragoncaller) wrote,
Dragoncaller
dragoncaller

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Been there, done that.

Have you ever had a booger that was so far back in your nose that you couldn't just blow it out, but it wasn't far back enough that you could just snork it down? It's just flapping around in there and the only solution is to go booger mining for it, but the last thing you want is some one to see you booger mining, so you look for a place to hide, but everywhere you look around the house that would be a good place to hide is also a great place for a web cam where someone could put a video on the internet of you booger mining and embarrass the crap out of you so you decide to do it out in the dog's house because there is no electricity out there and therefor no webcam, but then you realize that you don't have a dog let alone a dog house so you build one and just as you're about to crawl in, you realize you made the opening too small so you make a bigger one, but this one's so big that you need a building permit so you go to the town hall and get the permit and build the big dog house and the inspector comes out and goes, wow, that's a big dog house, you might as well run electricity to it, so you do and then realize that it is no longer a good place to go booger mining so you run out into the woods, far back on your property and crouch down behind a tree and by a large rock and make sure no one is around and go booger mining.

So, there you are, knuckle deep, tapping on the back of your eyeball feeling around for this booger when this guy from the Department of Environmental Protection shows up and asks what you're doing and you respond by saying, "Bud are you doin on muh prawpordee?" which translates to what are you doing on my property and he goes, "oh, sorry, I must have wandered off the State lands. You should put a sign up." and you say, "Ah'll doo dat." and as he makes his way off your property you go to resume your booger mining only to find that your finger is stuck fast and no amount of struggle will get it out.

So you amputate and your finger falls back into your sinus and you cough it up and go to the hospital to get it sewn back on and when they do, you ask the doc if she can take a moment to look in your nose for that darn booger and she does exclaiming, "What the?" and goes in with these long ass tweezer things and grabs hold of it and yanks it out, collecting it in a kidney shaped dish and looks at it and then calls over a dozen interns to look at it and then the hospital photographer shows up along with the chief of surgery because he was walking by and by now you've snuck out because you don't want to find yourself on the cover of Nasal Quarterly under the headline, Alien Life Found! and while the hospital staff is looking in the kidney shaped dish, you're hightailing it out of there but not before grabbing your chart and dropping it in the shredder so they can't trace it back to you.

No?

Me neither.
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