Dragoncaller (dragoncaller) wrote,
Dragoncaller
dragoncaller

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A day in the life of a man.

I wore my manly shop apron and my manly tool belt overfilled with manly tools. In the back ground, a manly man was going step by manly step on the manly DIY project on a manly You Tube video. All very manly as the tech said, "guys", meaning manly men and manly women.

Armed with my manly Philips head screw driver, Phil a manly name, and my step ladder, I followed the procedures and disassembled my AC unit and cleaned out all the black mold with deadly, manly chemicals, mercilessly slaughtering anything living comprised of one cell or less, their microbial screams became my anthem.

Everything nice and clean and spit spot, I went to reassemble the unit.

I had cleaned the blower fan, a long plastic cylinder, bristling with louvers, and it was smelling pine tree manly. I stood it up on the carpet to dry. Now, I reached for it, but like a wobbling toddler, it fell over, and like a wobbling toddler, instead of landing harmlessly on the carpet, Persian because, you know, manly, the fan clipped the cadenza. The cadenza was my grandmother's, don't judge me.

It was that one in 100,000 odds that it would strike in the one spot and the right angle. The fan broke.

Well, no matter! Manly men know how to handle such things. I turned to the vast library of manliness, THE INTERNET! Not Wicked-Pedio, or the inter-webs, the manly internet with a proper manly search engine,(engine that word is SO manly) GOGGLE, a word invented by a MAN who made up a number so huge it needed it's own name (seriously, who other than a man would create such a manly and useless thing?) and searched for a replacement part.

None to be had.

What?

Well, wot's a man to do? Cry?

Yes, get that over with. Now wot?

Well, Marines (and I am a Marine) when faced with adversity adapt and overcome. This usually comes in the form of a call for naval bombardment. Cruise Missiles and Tomahawk man missiles.

My internet search led me to, well, Seers. Seers lost all of it's manly points as it slowly drives itself out of business, but a man's gotta do wot a man's gotta do.

I opened a chat window with parts tech, Peyton.

Peyton? Pay-ton? This is gonna cost me.

Well, there is Peyton Manning. Manning is a manly name and he plays a manly sport. Let's give him a try.

The part, Peyton types, is unavailable, BUT, he goes on before I manly despair, I will try to source one for you.

He comes through. Part ordered, look for it in ten days.

I wrote back, "Ten days? Yer figuratively killing me, Peyton".

"We have a $35 express shipping option."

See? Peyton understands manly. He didn't mention this before because he sensed my manly aura and men don't pay for express shipping ever, not even for a fire extinguisher. We'll piss that out and save shipping costs.

"No, Peyton, (as you already guessed) I'll pass on express shipping."

Part ordered. Now we wait.

That was yesterday. Today I went into the guest bed room, pulled the fan out of that unit, and installed it in my main unit with my manly tools.

Then, manliness overflowing, I went out on the roof and caulked my skylight with my manly caulking GUN, because, GUN.

And now a manly beer!
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